All things Aquarius

Now this isn’t a post that I have done much research on just yet…I would like to think this is a post of just me ranting to myself and whoever else reads this. Let’s start here, I am single. I am a woman. I am 23. I live in the United States.

I am sitting on my bed now, watching my cat make biscuits in front of me and I just think about how care-free and authentic my cat acts because he has no responsibilities or really anything that ties him to the Earth. He conducts himself off of instinct and how he feels and that’s it. To look at him from my perspective, I envy him very much.

Not to be an over-sharer but I just finished having a breakdown, because right now life is hard. But you know what? Everyone else’s life is too.

I often go to the gym, to the local grocery store and to another store of some kind and that’s it. With that being said, I am fond of observing people or “people-watching” to see the imperfections of people. Sonder if you will and I actually notice that no one is happy.

Now I say that vaguely and broadly, and by doing so I want to express emphasis on how we live in a very unprecedented time. Sure, things in the economy and society can be worse…but the thing is that, things have been worse and will continue to do so because majority of us are living in a state of instant gratification, which I am guilty of myself. We as a collective, as the people, want to see and truly feel the fruits of our labor. As you can tell by my age, I am ‘Gen-Z’. I grew up thinking that anything is possible, that I could truly follow my dreams and be who I want to be, that I can make a difference in the world…but it’s kind of hard to do that when I am constantly looking at a TikTok about the latest world event, or trying to worry about how this bill will get paid or how will I eat for this week and things like that. I…(maybe we) want to feel the satisfaction of knowing that I have done my part, that I can and will be okay, but do I?

As I mentioned previously, I’ve noticed that no one is happy. Is everyone feeling the same thing that I feel? Here’s the funny thing, I’m actually unemployed. I have suffered 3 job losses this to which actually none of them were my fault. I have probably applied to over 100 jobs this year alone and…yeah…you get the idea. So with being unemployed and in absolute solitude, I have moments out in nature and in town just to see majority of the people that live in my neighborhood or at my local Aldi’s, that no one carries that twinkle in their eye. No one has that rosiness in their cheeks, that ‘pep’ in their step. Yes, you can look happy all you want or you can lie to yourself and say that you are happy but are you truly happy? Can you feel that happiness in your body? The energy of unconditional love, true freedom, generosity, compassion, understanding and patience…happiness.

I grew up poor…in the south…sheesh I know right and by the evaluation of my actual tax bracket, I still am poor. Anyways, growing up poor I remember not being afraid to knock on my neighbor’s door for a cup of sugar or a few eggs or asking of my friend was available to play. I remember having 10 dollars and being able to by a plethora of things from the local Dollar General and making it last. I remember truly sharing my thoughts, toys, and energy with the neighborhood, I understood the true meaning of community.

Community to me is having those around you understand that life gets hard. That we will be there for you with anything you need. That resources are available to you. That if you need a shoulder to cry on then here’s my shoulder. Community at the time for me as a child was definitely having my friends lie to my mom on why I returned late to the house after the street lights come on haha. But it’s the same feeling…that even though you know that things are ugly right now, that there is still a tomorrow and that you will have people to create a whole new adventure with, to know that you are supported and loved… cherished. That you are all one. Now in today’s age, I can barely get a hey from my current neighbor.

The people are tired and worried…The people are scared…of each other because we don’t know what’s left to come. It should never be like that. As much as I have made my peace with being in solitude, the duality is that I yearn for a friend group of some kind or for at least one person who shares the same interest as me, because it gets pretty lonely. It’s no doubt that in every country, on every continent, in every lifetime that we as a collective thrive off of community, human interaction, socialization. It’s a high almost, very euphoric…appealing to our own happiness.

Again, this isn’t researched based like most blog posts, but I honestly don’t care at the moment. I believe that this is something that I really wanted to put out there to release my thoughts, feelings, and energy.

But to whoever finds this, just know that if you can resonate with anything I have said here in this post then I see you. The shift starts with me and you.